It’s really confusing to me how I continually fall into romantic love with people, but somehow that love does not translate into physical desire at all, even when I’m attracted to the person. Why. Shouldn’t that come as the natural next step? Or shouldn’t it be automatically there in the beginning when you’re excited and crave being around the person 24/7? Does it even count as romantic love if the physical component is missing? Of course it does. Asexuality is very real. But I’m not asexual! So how is it that this still happens to me, over and over and over again? It scares me because I put so much of my heart into my relationships but I know my lack of desire to do anything sexual (unless I’m drunk because that’s a different story- also part of the reason I quit drinking) is bound to push people away after a certain amount of time. Because that’s how most people express their love for one another. And it becomes something you do more and more frequently as the relationship progresses. But that’s something I’m just not willing to force anymore. And I know it sounds like basically the love I keep finding is platonic rather than romantic but being just friends is the LAST thing I want. I wish I had a better understanding of myself so I could figure out what the hell it is I want without hurting myself or other people because the same pattern keeps repeating itself and I’m so tired of it