Category: Uncategorized

On Friday night I was 90% sure I was going to die, or at least be seriously injured and stranded in the middle of nowhere. This is what I looked like on hour 4 of being circled by a family of 3-4 mountain lions 5,600 ft up in the Marble Mountains. Our headlamps were running out of juice so all we had was the fire at our campsite and some pots and pans to bang together (which didn’t seem to phase the lions at all). We had exhausted all our options. Do we run through the open meadows to the other lake, about 10 minutes away, to stay with the only other family we knew was camped within miles of us? What good would that do other than endanger them too? There was no way we could possibly make it back to the car. Plus, mountain lions love a good chase and leaving would only make us more vulnerable. All we could do was stand our ground and prepare to defend ourselves against these massive cats. I was the most terrified I have ever been in my entire life; it was the first time that I knew (or thought I knew) that either I or someone I loved was going to die. We had said our goodbyes already. I even considered tearing out a piece of paper from my journal and writing goodbyes to my friends and family, but in a situation like that I didn’t have the time nor mental energy to look through all my stuff and focus enough to write anything down. Would anyone even find the letters if I did? All I could think about was my family, my friends, my kitties, how I wasn’t ready to go, and how fucking stupid I was during the period in my life when I used to lie awake in bed at night and wish that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. I imagined all the moments in my life that were yet to be lived and it completely broke my heart that those stories would remain unwritten. When this photo was taken, we were using the flash on my camera to try and scare them away because they were creeping up awfully close (no more than 10 yards away, crouching down in the grass and quietly walking towards us). But someone or something was looking out for us that night. Because human encounters with mountain lions are incredibly rare – they try to avoid us at all costs! When they do appear, it usually doesn’t end well. And here we were completely surrounded by multiple lions that had been stalking us for hours. Yet somehow around 3am just as our headlamps were about to give out and we were about to give up, they disappeared. I woke up the next morning so freaking grateful to be alive, laying next to my favorite person, with a whole new understanding of and appreciation for the fragility of life. Such a humbling experience and true reminder that all of our lives are impermanent. We have to spend our time here wisely doing the things we love with the ones we love; there’s no use in anything else. ❤️❤️❤️

my goals for the next 30-60 days

– learn a song or two or three on the piano
– learn a couple songs on guitar so well that I can play them by heart
– start playing ukulele again
– start singing again. what has it been, 6 months??
– sign up for a gym membership. actually GO.
– wake up at 5am every morning and go on a run (that’s when the kitties wake me up anyways; why get mad about it rather than turning it into a positive opportunity?)
– cook more yummy food *I have been really great about this lately!* but the meals have not been the healthiest
– join a book club
– read at least 3 books
– ask for a raise, cause God knows I deserve one
– drink moreeeeee water
– try to drink less beer. at least TRY 
– take pictures of and list all my unworn items of clothing on poshmark
– plan a backpacking trip
– plan trips to Greece and Iceland
– go out more; it’s summer, I’m 24, I shouldn’t be so scared to be social and every time I do go out it ends up being a pleasant surprise
(by go out I literally just mean coffee dates & dinner dates with friends. hell no I am not going out more to the bars or parties. I hate everything about party culture)
– possibly join a yoga class????

I’ve been frantically searching all over the place for this letter the last couple of days, and I still haven’t found it 😦 

Luckily I texted these pictures of it to my mom a couple months ago and now I’m just gonna post em here so that I can never lose these sweet words again.