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For me, merely existing is extremely painful. It sounds ridiculous but I am sometimes envious of people who have actual problems in their lives which cause them pain. It gives them a valid excuse. I have no outer circumstances which bring me hurt, only inner feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness which in turn affect my outer reality because I am never able to be myself around anyone else. And when I try my absolute hardest to, I’m met with this intense feeling of fear which takes all the pleasure out of anything I do. I hate myself for being like this which only makes it worse. I need some serious help cause I can feel myself coming closer to giving up completely. I’ve been there before, and it’s really not pretty. I just don’t know how to fix myself..
“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds… Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.”
“You don’t tell me things, Joel. I’m an open book. I tell you everything, every damn, embarrassing thing.”
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Directed by Michel Gondry in 2004.
the glow around the moon 